Total randomness
by drangonsile
Summary: Don't poke, prod, x-ray, or atempt to understand. Harry is crazy, Dumbledore is evil and Sirius is back for some reason. Rated just in case
1. Um The ring of Fish Bowl Doom

TOTAL RANDOMNESS  
By me  
  
Nessy!!!!!! Um to the story, the green rat made a ring in Fish Bowl Doom, the ring could rule the seven rings given to the Pigs that could fly but are too fat, three to the purple leaves, and the nine given to the blue flamingos who above all else desired power.  
  
Giant quill appears, feathery end and sweeps away all of Strangely Colored Earth, right after the purple leaves left for La-La Land across the sea with Fraba the orange ant and his relative, Blobo and the pink owl Gandrith.  
  
Ok for some reason Harry-  
  
WE INTERRUPT THIS STORY LIKE THING TO SAY I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER YET BUT I WILL HAVE IT WHEN I RULE THE WORLD, RIGHT NOW I OWN LA-LA LAND AND STRANGELY COLORED EARTH- thank you  
  
-was walking around the grave yard were Voldy... that sounds cool Voldy Voldy Voldy *fades away and Rowling grabs the pen that was once a quill* starts scribbling...  
  
He starts dueling with Voldemort and Dumbledore saves his but (can I, I mean she, say this?) *I wrestle for the pencil but Rowling, who is rich and doesn't get much exercise, loses to me, the muscle-less person, who erases the inerasable ink from the pen and writes*..  
  
...was revived, as Harry walk he thought don't let the crazy Fanfic author hurt me to bad, please no broken bones/lack of bones, poisonous venom, dangerous creatures or other J.K. Rowling... my true owner... type torture. What type of guy dose he think I am MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (to spamith power). Ok the death eaters come out from behind 2x1 gravestones that somehow hid them, 21 behind one stone, ok so the death eaters come out and start yawning Ava Kadavra, nothing happened except dirty grey thongs went flying at Harry  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Harry snored "Ava Kadavra" Sexy pink see-through bikinis went flying at the death eaters making them shriek in pain.  
  
Somehow they were at Hogwarts with the gravestones.  
  
Sirius' cousin apperated with a plunger that began shooting out 2 year old toilet water from a public school that has not been cleaned.  
  
An ink lightning bolt splattering the last paragraph into La-La Land.  
  
Sirius' cousin apperated and screamed "I'm sorry Sirius, I'm sorry I didn't mean to." A giant hand holding a struggling Sirius dropped him on his cousin.  
  
"I'M DEAD!!!" Sirius whispered *a paddle came from no were and spanked Sirius into tears* "MUST NOT ANGER FANFIC RULER" he whispered.  
  
"I thought you couldn't apperate inside Hogy Warty Hogwarts" Dumbledore muttered blasting the death eaters from Hogwarts "Harry, I said GET YOUR SELF KILLED; I mean not to leave your house."  
  
*********** I would like to say I will post when I feel like it and have one review per chappie. 


	2. Death has fallen on the school

I would like to say *sucks in air* "THE GREEN RATS ARE COMING THEY ARE BEING LEAD BY BLUE WORMTAIL" thank oh I do not own Harry Potter, yet, but you can sign up for my army and you will get the Crazy Mark and come when I make it burn, to the story like substance.  
  
2 reviews Yeah, dose an embarrassing hula dance.  
  
"I DO OWN HARRY POTTER" J.K. ROWLING  
  
"I'm back what happened," Me "I do not own Harry potter *********  
  
Harry woke up "aw a normal day, yesterday Sirius fell from the sky I appearated somehow and Dudlykinns gained five hundred pounds (without heart failure), but today will be normal, no death spells, *green light flashes by* no dirty thongs, *'Mione drops her laundry on Harry's bed* no reference to polyjuice potion to keep the plot going, *Draco turns into Ron with said potion* and no plot *I got a plot idea, not really* nope normal nothing no possessed DADA teacher *a possessed teacher enters the school to kill I mean teach Harry* nope this day is as normal as this sentence proves that I am in Advanced L.A.(A/N English)."  
  
Then Trevor awoke... dun da da dun daaaAA! *Star Wars, Darth Vader music plays*  
  
I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS EITHER BUT I WILL  
  
Trevor was an evil pink toad who ate Neville one day but was after Harry so Voldy (A/N Voldy, Voldy, Voldy, Voldy, Voldy, Voldy...) would be happy and give him a homaspus potion to turn him into a human, he was stuck in an Animagus form, his real form was a wizard.  
  
Ronald is walking down the tower wall when he finds Trevor planning to eat all the mudbloods, Ronald, Ron's other personality of course says,  
  
"I will help if I get Hermione." Dumbledore over hears and laughs manically  
  
"Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahah *Gasp*"  
  
Dumbly of course laughed until he died, lying on the side of the tower.  
  
The next day Snape had a message,  
  
"Dumbledore is dead we are doomed and I am in charge because McGonagall is missing in the dungeons, I mean is missing while fighting You-know-who, my favorite Tyrant, I mean my least favorite oppressor-" *A loud booming voice goes muhahahahaha* "-goodbye and five hundred points from Gryffindor because I felt like it."  
  
In double potions Snape took a total of 3000 points from Gryffindor for walking in the door; and when some noticed and didn't come in he took twice as many points.  
  
Walking into DADA while not being hit by the 21 death curses, Harry stopped and asked Hermione,  
  
"Do you see the blurry head sticking from the teacher's head?"  
  
"Yes, why?"  
  
"No reason it just seems to normal for Hogy Warty Hogwarts."  
  
"So?"  
  
After everybody took a seat the "normal teacher" said  
  
"I am Fudge being controlled by you-know-who, I mean I am Fudge who has sneaked in against Dumbl-, I mean, forget it. GET OUT YOUR BOOKS MUDBLOODS AND TURN TO PAGE 235,472,984,739,847,329,472,394,732,947,239,847,984,723,984,732,947,239,847, 984798,473,294,732,984,723,984,793,284,739,824,793,287,493,824,739,472,398,7 49,284,798,374,923,847,329,847..., 5000 POINTS FROM YOU NEVILLE FOR NOT GOING TO THE RIGHT PAGE!!!!"  
  
Dean "Sir what is that on your head that looks like a snake?"  
  
"IT IS A um uh A BEAUTY PAGEANT CROWN I WON FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS NOW 9000 POINTS FOR POINTLESS QUESTIONS!!!!"  
  
************************* Darkboy77 Thank you Mini Padfoot Thank you for your support in me controlling the world. 


	3. Quidditch, the slaughter

I feel special and would like to say TREVOR IS COMING!!!!!!!!! or not or yes or not or yes or not or yes or not or yes or not or yes or not or yes or not or yes or not or yes, I own La-La Land, but not harry potter 1,2,3,4,5,future 6, future 7  
  
*********************  
  
To avoid a plot 5 Dumbledores fell from the sky and the went in the horizontal facing windows used by owls. Then they continued to break laws of physics by hovering upside down, without their robes falling.  
  
With five Dumbledore fighting the school went into chaos the unforgivable curse Ava Kadavra left some much laundry that people often preformed the hovering charm on themselves.  
  
For some strange reason they were having Quidditch early. Entering the pitch Ron said  
  
"Why didn't we rebuild the team?"  
  
"No clue."  
  
Snape walked out in a referee shirt. "POTTER YOUR LIVE LONG BAN IS NOT OVER, REMEMBER UMBRIDGE!?!?!?!"  
  
"Potter you must leave the field." Dumbly #5  
  
"NO stay" Dumbledore #3  
  
"Go." Dumbly #5  
  
Dumbly #5 and Dumbledore #3 started a fight that ripped time space and other things into a spinning vortex of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. DA DA DAAAAA... (Star Trek theme song) Both were sucked into the spinning vortex.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------  
  
After five minutes of watching the spot were they disappeared, the game started Ron/Ronald versus the whole Slytherin team, of course Snape was unfair so if Ron flew above five feet the Slytherin team got a penalty.  
  
The ending score was Slytherin 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999  
  
Gryffindor -9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999, 999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999  
  
The Slytherins and Ronald cheered, but Ron didn't. Of course Ronald/Ron started to fight.  
  
Five hours later...  
  
Harry asked "Who's who?"  
  
Hermione replied "No clue."  
  
"Let's kill Ronald"  
  
"Ok"  
  
"Avada Kedavra!!" both yelled pointing at different ones.  
  
"THAT ONE WAS RONALD!!!" coughed Hermione  
  
"NO THAT ONE!!!" sneezed Harry  
  
"Crucio!!!" both yelled, Hermione shrieked in pain, Harry was subjected to Hermione's bad spell so he turned into Ron. (A/N bet you didn't see that coming)  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Thank you and La-La Land has a new visitor section. 


	4. Weirder than usual

I OWN HRRY PTTER BUT NOT HARRY POTTER  
  
**************************************************************...  
  
Hermy and Rony cried and cried for Harry, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...aaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.  
  
Ron decided he should rebuild the team right after Dumbly #1, Dumber #2, and Dumb #4's speech  
  
"Most of us a not pleased to announce Harry's life long ban is over because he is dead. *all 3: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA* Now we would also like to say Dumb #4's name is being changed to Dumb #3, thank you and five thousand points from Gryffindor."  
  
Now Gryffindor's points were at -10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,00 0,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00 0,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00 0,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,004,999  
  
After a few minutes of trying to figure out how the hourglass showed the negative points, the Daily Prophet came du da daaaaaaaa *Eerie Lord of the rings music*, the front page had an article that read  
  
WE ARE DOOMED... In a surprise move the ministry handed control to You-Know-Who because our only hope Harry Pot------ sorry the other reporter all most wrote The-Boy- Who-Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead's name he was going to say In a surprise move the ministry handed control to You-Know-Who because our only hope The-Boy- Who-Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead is well dead.  
  
"Hello this is the DADA teacher, YEAH YES WHOOOO, VOLDERMOLT IS IN CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
A giant quill appears and draws a Harry in the middle of the great hall, exact middle floating half way up.  
  
But all this is insignificant compared to what Trevor was about to do. Trevor had planed this carefully, he would kill all the Dumblys.  
  
Climbing up the wall he carried a 56,739,873,298,729,847,394,732,984,798,347,239,749,284,798,74398,472,398,472 ,398,473,298,472,398,472,905,610,956,096,194,699,534,580,768,967,029,862,809 ,858,976,986,798,678,967,306,796,658,701,650,871,658,916,098,157,219,875,090 ,007,509,057,987,935,135,079,079,509,780,950,987,130,981,001,014,574,953,443 ,781,734,543,785,709,817,098,584,531,785,754 lbs of rope  
  
His plan was simple the rope would pull and displace that bucket of water which would trip that rope that would use the scissors which would cut that rope that would start the giant mouse trap that was 10x20 feet, nobody noticed that mouse trap, the trap would kill Dumbly #1 the trap would also start this giant trail of dominoes that would knock over the Slytherin hour glass that was heavy with 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,99 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 points, they had won the game against Ravenclaw. The hourglass would fall on #2.  
  
The trap worked perfectly 1 and 2 died. #3 was named Dumbledore and headmaster. Trevor was hit with a stray meteorite, the meteorite turned Trevor into a regular toad and the Harry picture into a real Harry. 


	5. muhahahahahahahaha

I OWN HARRY POTTER  
  
Then I awoke  
  
Sorry it toke so long I have school, there is some confusion about who won between Gryffindor and Slytherin, the Gryffindor's have negative points.  
  
***************************  
  
Christmas, a religious holiday that public schools give you off.  
  
With Christmas break coming 7239872397239437973298 miles of snow fell on the school.  
  
Yet the stupid owls dug with their shovels to deliver the news, DU DA DAAAAAAAAAAA... (Annoying music)  
  
WE ARE SAVED- In a very surprising move You-Know-Who gave control back to the ministry because The-Boy-Who-Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead-Then-Came-Back-To-Life, came back to life.  
  
Ron being who he was didn't care and suggested they go buy their books.  
  
"Why haven't we let your mom feel guilty and spend half your money getting me first rate stuff before?" Harry asked  
  
"Don't know." replied Ron who was trying to figure out how they got this far in the year.  
  
At Daigon ally a boulder feel on Harry, next minute a poster appeared saying,  
  
In a very surprising move You-Know-Who gained control back from the ministry because The-Boy-Who-Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead-Then-Came-Back-To- Life-But-Then-Was-Hit-With-A-Boulder, was hurt.  
  
2 seconds later  
  
In a very surprising move You-Know-Who gave control back to the ministry because The-Boy-Who-Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead-Then-Came-Back-To-Life-But- Then-Was-Hit-With-A-Boulder-But-Wasn't-Hurt-To-Much  
  
"Short name." commented Hermione.  
  
Back at Hogy Warty Hogwartttsss  
  
A fight started between Voldy (A/N Voldy, Voldy, Voldy, Voldy, Voldy, Voldy,) and The-Boy-Who-Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead-Then-Came-Back-To-Life-But- Then-Was-Hit-With-A-Boulder-But-Wasn't-Hurt-To-Much.  
  
As Harry hung like Luke did in Star Wars Voldy cried "Harry I am your father"  
  
"NO YOUR NOT YOU KILLED HIM."  
  
"I know but it was more dramatic that way."  
  
"Oh"  
  
5 point 9,498,242,342,398,579,283,572,938,798,748,274,987,498,274,982,374,298,749,82 6,498,746,468,236,725,467,547,635,473,547,254,765,487,254,765,476,345,634,85 6,398,563,875,683,756,328,795,639,858,236,587,365,832,765,874,365,978,365,93 5,698,375,698,563,475,643,534,589,357,843,643,875,364,565,778,283,948,248,32 4,732,984,732,984,732,984,798,479,837,987,492,347,239,847,329,847,938,473,98 4,739 seconds later, Harry teamed up with Voldy until he could push him into the Riddle House.  
  
The next day at Breakfast Harry had kidnapped the staff and announced,  
  
"I am The-Boy-Who-Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead-Then-Came-Back-To-Life-But-Then- Was-Hit-With-A-Boulder-But-Wasn't-Hurt-To-Much-Also-Known-As-The-Boy-Who- Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead-Then-Came-Back-To-Life-But-Then-Was-Hit-With-A- Boulder-But-Wasn't-Hurt-To-Much-A-K-A- The-Boy-Who-Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead- Then-Came-Back-To-Life-But-Then-Was-Hit-With-A-Boulder-But-Wasn't-Hurt-To- Much-Your-Evil-Tyrant-Of-Hagy-Worty-Hagworts-I-mean-Hogy-Warty-Hogwarts, now I sall pants (pull down pants/underware) you girls, muhahahahahahahaha- . Wait am I a pervert? Forget the pantsing. Thank you and 48,237,723,498,274,980,000 from Gryffindor, we are now at (negative)  
  
-10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,00 0,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00 0,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00 0,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,048,237,723,498,274,984,999, and anyone who dose not use my full name, The-Boy-Who-Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead-Then-Came- Back-To-Life-But-Then-Was-Hit-With-A-Boulder-But-Wasn't-Hurt-To-Much-Also- Known-As-The-Boy-Who-Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead-Then-Came-Back-To-Life-But- Then-Was-Hit-With-A-Boulder-But-Wasn't-Hurt-To-Much-A-K-A- The-Boy-Who- Lived-But-Is-Now-Is-Dead-Then-Came-Back-To-Life-But-Then-Was-Hit-With-A- Boulder-But-Wasn't-Hurt-To-Much-Your-Evil-Tyrant-Of-Hagy-Worty-Hagworts-I- mean-Hogy-Warty-Hogwarts, will get an ultimate wedgies. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*breathe*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*breathe*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHA.  
  
***********************  
  
Like this chapy? Say yes. 


	6. in which i've had so long i forgot what ...

Imagine all the stuff that should be here  
  
Like Rowling really would read this, she can't soo what she doesn't know exists, *Large # of sirens, helicopters, entire British army appear  
  
"Dose Drangonsile live here?"  
  
"No this is the ****** (Name censored for privacy) resident" ~~~~~~~~~~ -pretty hu?  
  
Ok so the staff wasn't really gone and here's Dumbly to explain all  
  
"Thank you Mysterious Voice, anyway Fawks decided to sleep in the sorting hat on his burning day and the rest is like a history book, flammable. We had named Harry temporary Tyrant that no one knows is controlling them, while we got a new sorting rabid squirrel, Thank you and 59323 from Gryffindor for no apparent reason."  
  
Gyriffindor were at (negative) -10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,00 0,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00 0,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,0 0 0,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,048,237,723,498,275,044,322  
  
4592374523947293446346385634875648765487645745687 days later  
  
Dumbly, "To day the sorting will be done with the new sorting, um implement. The way it works is the squirrel chases you and which ever wall you run into first is your house, no magic can be used and you must circle the hall 376,259,789,372,534,267,373,589,736,137,698,798,749,687,546,982,574,698,547, 968,749,867,492,672,906,752,986,754,290,647,209,687,450,986,745,096,874,259, 068,754,986,745,986,754,867,498,298,672,476,582,967,456,945,764,205,679,576, 947,96...,348,573,957,345,787,667,675,768...87,687,698,457,698,476,438,769,679,0 60,597...46,747,908,647,389,674,376,987,469,847,698,45...36,847,634,586,823,746, 275,463,785  
  
.00000000000000000000000000...000000000000000000000000001 milaseconds later everyone was back at their old houses.  
  
Dumbly "It works, I mean I know it works 'cus it was my idea."  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
In the first Care for dangerous creatures I mean care for "magical" creatures, Hagrid said  
  
"I have brought back Skwerts, Muhahahahahahahaha...hahahaha, They are new and improved, can shot the pain curse, have twice as much fire power, all have stingers, pincers, suckers, wings, top escape ablity."  
  
Everyone cheered, everyone being the Slytherins.  
  
(To small to measure) later  
  
The Skwerts escaped, Da Da daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, happy music is playing.  
  
Person on flute says "Hey this is the wronge music sorry"  
  
Da Da dadadadadadadadad extremely happy music.  
  
Hagrid "Oh and the Skwerts have chaped lips, it helps them wistle." 


End file.
